Does size matter? Yes, we're talking penis size. Though, in a movie so would-be daring and revelatory -- in which its star and subject, one
Patrick Moote, who, when his girlfriend turns down his marriage proposal because of the small size of said organ, goes on a worldwide quest to first discover if his cock really
is all that small, and if so, what he can do about it -- you'd think that, after all this hoo-hah, we'd get a glimpse of what the little fellow looks like. If a movie star of the caliber of
Richard Gere had the guts to show his less than sizable member in a
film or two, then why not Mr. Moote?
Don't ask. Instead, just watch, as this hungry-for-attention young man first does the by-now stupid and unthinkable: asking his girl to marry him in a pre-arranged proposal piped into a major sports arena during a game. When she, as any intelligent, thinking woman would, says no, and when Moote learns
why she supposedly refrained, off we go, following our thimble dick as he voyages ever onward in his journey toward... enlightenment and enlargement.
As overseen by director
Brian Spitz, shown at right, the journey is mostly all Moote, all the time (the guy turns out to be a stand-up comic and actor, which should not surprise us, I guess) and the film, which is cleverly being billed as the world's first
cockumentary, does indeed offer some interesting info on dicks and the delirium surrounding them.
Did you know, for instance, that South Korean men officially possess the world's smallest cocks? (I would have imagined that it was the North Koreans who actually hold this crown, but of course, we have no access to that information....) Yet, the country -- at least as Mr. Moote sees it during his visit -- is filled with numerous sculptures of large organs, above. (I have to say, at this point, that one of the largest cocks I've encountered in my life belonged to a Chinese gentleman who hailed, he told me, from the region where
The Last Emperor was born, and where the men are known for their unusually large organs. So I guess not
all Asians are endowed on the small side.)
Interestingly enough Mr. Moote seems to handle his tiny penis problem in the way some people approach impending death. You know -- the old
Kübler-Ross model: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. This leads him to various countries and various systems for penis enlargement, such as the "weight training" he encounters in Taiwan (shown above, and as usual, politely covered).
Eventually we end up in Papua New Guinea (above) for a very strange bit of hocus-pocus, and then back to Korea for the plastic surgery that will give him, well, maybe another inch or so.... Ah, but our boy turns out to be something of a pussy. So instead we meet a sex specialist (
Dan Savage) and a large-dicked fellow (
Jonah Falcon, below, left) both of whom offer their thoughts to our "hero."
As do Moote's mother and father. Mom brings up some old history, while Dad intimates that this size thing may run in the family, and that perhaps he ought to have discussed it with his son earlier. Of course, then there would not have been this movie to watch and consider.
How, in the end, you feel about this film will depend, I think, on how you feel about Mr. Moote. If you find him as annoying and obvious as did I, you can just lean back and enjoy the scenery and odd facts uncovered along the way. Or, you can think of Moote, like Richard Gere, as someone who is advancing the case for those of us males who possess average to small genitalia. In that case, the guy really
is an
Unhung Hero.
The movie opens for its theatrical release this Friday, December 6, in Los Angeles at the charming little
Arena Cinema in Hollywood, after which, for those of you elsewhere in the country, it will appear, via
Breaking Glass Pictures, on DVD as of Tuesday, December 10, 2013.
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