NO DRESS CODE REQUIRED: Cristina Herrera Borquez's tracks Mexican same-sex marriage

Whatever any of us have had to go through to finalize our same-sex marriage, including, I suspect, even Americans who live in the South (remember Kentucky clerk Kim Davis?), our journey will probably pale when compared to that of Victor and Fernando, two guys who own a beauty salon in the Mexican state of Baja California and who want to get married, once the Supreme Court of the country of Mexico has given its imprimatur to same-sex matrimony. If only the city of Mexicali, where they plan to wed, could see its way clear to abide by Federal law. Good luck with that.

NO DRESS CODE REQUIRED (Etiqueta no rigurosa), the new documentary by Cristina Herrera Borquez (shown at left) follows this sweet and intelligent couple as it decides to wed and prepares for the upcoming nuptials. From the outset, these two guys make an adorable pair: They're fun and funny, and when the tide takes a turn for the deep and dark, they buckle down and fight. They are helped enormously by their two lawyers -- one gay, the other straight -- who not only know their legal stuff but are willing to go that extra mile not only often but, as it turns out, any time of the day or night. We should all have such fine men in our corner.

Ms Borquez's doc gives us a little history of the two guys -- Victor, above, is in the front seat, Fernando in the back -- their families and the manner in which each man dealt with his homosexuality and his understanding of it from early on. (One of their mothers asks only that her son not be the one in the wedding party who carries the bouquet.) We're there with them as they take the required "pre-marital education" course, in which they are told, "You have to invite God into the bedroom before you have sex."

Despite the Supreme Court's ruling that same-sex marriage is now legal, Mexicali's mayor, city clerk and other officials, as well as a good portion of the public, rejects this law. As one of these "officials" notes in passing, "They are only five men. They don't understand how so many more of us feel here in our city."

What these officials put our boys and their lawyers through, over and over again, will probably have you climbing the wall. It isn't simply shocking and indefensible, it is as obviously fraudulent, as well as mean-spirited and nasty, as you will find. (The post-wedding finale, as one of the lawyers muses aloud, is a must-see/hear. He quietly speaks volumes as to politics, history and what the fight for our rights really means -- and costs.)

I am not sure how many of us could take the same journey as did Victor and Fernando and see it through to the finish. But they, their lawyers, family and friends manage it, while keeping spirits as high as possible, which helps quell the anger that will keep popping up in viewers. There is a lengthy scene midway in the movie, detailing how local officials try to stymie the two marriage applicants, that is a keeper of sorts: a test case in how prejudice and injustice will use any and every means imaginable to stop what it so thoroughly hates.

Ms Borquez might have shown us a tad more dissension between our two heroes, just so we're reminded that they're human beings. Still, it is hard not to appreciate and love these two guys, as much for what they've been through as what they stand for. They're icons, all right, of Mexico and the gay rights movement, both of which they make proud.

From Outsider Pictures, No Dress Code Required opens theatrically in New York City at the Village East Cinema this Friday, November 3, with a limited national release to follow.

Linda Bloodworth-Thomason's BRIDEGROOM is both love story and cautionary tale for gay times

BRIDEGROOM begins with a four-story fall by a fellow who, had he lived a bit longer most likely would have become a bridegroom -- of another bridegroom, in a gay marriage that, from most of what we can ascertain from this very moving and provocative documentary, was "made in heaven," as the saying goes. The young man's name, not coincidentally, was Tom Bridegroom, and on the tombstone with which his fundamentalist Christian family has provided him in death, the word Bridegroom appears so large across the top that it seems to have a definite Christian connotation, as perhaps some kind of "bridegroom of Christ." Except that said family has refused to even acknowledge its son's homosexuality or allow his partner of several years to attend the funeral of his companion.

As directed by Linda Bloodworth-Thomason (shown at left, and yes, she's the famous TV series-producer and friend of Bill & Hillary Clinton), the documen-tary tells the tale of Tom and his lover and companion Shane Bitney Crone, their histories, both growing up and then together -- once they had met, fallen in love and finally shared living quarters. The first half of the film is the strongest, as we get to know these two young men as they grew up in quite different situations: one a golden boy, the other more and more an outcast. By the time they finally meet, you're bound to feel they were, if not made for each other, then remarkably compatible -- something like salt and pepper or maybe cinnamon and sugar.

The film begins with Tom' accidental fall from a roof as he is photographing a mutual friend, then backtracks to the boys growing up, moving to California (Tom from Indiana, Shane from Montana) and finally tracking their life together, as first Shane and then Tom comes out to their respective families. Those families' reactions could hardly be more different, and the final half hour of the film becomes the kind of cautionary tale gays fear most: having no legal rights to anything to do with or about your partner, should something like death or traumatic injury occur.

The two young men come across as models of a stable, caring, loving relationship. Maybe just a tad too much so. When we finally learn that, on the morning of the day that Tom died, the guys had an argument, this comes as both a surprise and a relief. Up to now, what we've seen has been all too perfect. It would have helped matters had the filmmaker and any of the many friends interviewed come up with a negative or two, maybe a problem that had to be worked out, just to make these fellows a bit more plausible.

I don't doubt that Shane and Tom made up a rather extraordinary couple, but what we see here is a tad too close to love-story hagiography. Even the subject of that argument is never mentioned, only the fact that it happened and was settled and they were back to lovey-dovey by the time of the fall. Of course, death is indeed the great purifier: Parents who were nightmares in life suddenly become worth crying over; and spouses are often no different. When a relationship was a good as this one seems to have been, little wonder Shane (below) is still working on coming to terms with his loss.

Ms Bloodworth-Thomason uses her subjects and their interviews well, cobbling together a picture of society's outsiders as very much worth knowing. Because Tom is gone, Shane get most of the action footage, though both boys/men and their families seemed to have kept pretty good photographic records. There is, however, a little too much reliance on Tom's handsome face (below), which is used so much that it finally becomes something like filler.

Though only 79 minutes long (with a few of these devoted to a fast scroll of the thousands of Kickstarter contributors to the film), the final fifteen minutes seem extended beyond what is necessary. This is too bad because the documentary's first half is particularly strong, while its second half becomes, without undue drum beating, a case study in what can happen when there is no law in place to protect gay marriage. As one of the quotes on the poster above proclaims, this film just might have "the power to change hearts and minds."

Bridegroom -- in theaters only last month -- has arrived on Netflix streaming in very speedy fashion.and is definitely worth a watch. (It'll be out on DVD November 19.)

Note: the photo above of Ms Bloodworth-Thomason 

is by Craig Barritt, courtesy of Getty Images.