Fun with the fanged undead in David Rühm's chuckle-worthy THERAPY FOR A VAMPIRE

Genuine scares and originality are in such short supply these days regarding zombie and vampire movies that we mostly must rely on humorous riffs on these genres to bring us decent entertainment. Zombies don't lend themselves much to humor (though you might want to try the very funny, clever and low-budget Stalled), but vampires, being a lot more versatile than zombies, do occasionally provide some fun (witness last year's New Zealand mockdoc miracle, What We Do in the Shadows).

Now comes the latest bit of very funny nonsense regarding these particular undead, and it's a little ditty from Austria/Switzerland -- in German with English subtitles -- called THERAPY FOR A VAMPIRE. This particular Count (not Dracula, but one, Geza von Közsnöm) has been married now for some 500 years and is growing bored with this lengthy state of matrimony. Writer/director David Rühm, shown at right, has cobbled together a short, swift, full-of-laughs riff on many of the vampire themes and lore that we vamp-lovers have come to appreciate. His "take" on it all proves charming and refreshingly light on its feet.

The very idea of a vampire needing therapy due to marital problems is clever enough, and while Herr Rühm makes some fun out of Sigmund Freud's encounter with our Count (Karl Fisher -- above, left -- does a fine job as our famous "first shrink"), the most sustained laughter in the film comes from the way in which the filmmaker deals with vampire habits like flying, climbing walls, and not being able to reflect in mirrors.

The last of these characteristics is responsible for the appearance of our vampire Count's wife (Jeanette Hain, above, right) at the door of a talented young artist (Dominic Oley, above, left), whom she needs to paint her portrait (since she can't see herself in any of her mansion's many mirrors).

The Count, meanwhile (a lovely and humorous faux-Drac rendition by Tobias Moretti, above), has become smitten with the artist's girlfriend, Lucy (Cornelia Ivancan, below, left), who quite resembles his old girlfriend who, thousands of years ago, turned him into the bloodsucker he remains.

The rondelay in which these four indulge keeps the plot ticking, but it is how certain characters react to their newly acquired -- and then, oh, no! loss of -- vampire skills that makes the movie so much fun. These moments are as oddly "real" as they are enchanting and hilarious, and they'll keep that grin across your face for most of the movie's 87-minute running time.

The requisite blood and gore? Oh, it's there, all right, but it's done with short, sharp and relatively subtle bravura, so that we get the point while also getting the humour/satire implicit. Meanwhile, themes of identity, feminism and vampirism all get their due, too, and we finish the film with that satisfied smile still on our faces.

Therapy for a Vampire, from Music Box Films, opens this Friday, June 10, in Los Angeles at the Landmark NuArt and in New York City at the Landmark Sunshine Cinema, and then, in the weeks following, hits another 15 cities around the country. To see all currently scheduled playdates, click here and then click on THEATERS on the task bar midway down the screen.

Bayou vampires reign, as Buz Alexander's NOCTURNA hits Blu-ray/DVD/VOD and EEST

Oh, boy, a new vampire movie! We haven't seen too many of this genre lately, perhaps because HBO's True Blood cornered the market on the fang-mouths, and then (as often happens when a series overstays its welcome) bled it dry. So, we should not be too hard on NOCTURNA, the newest entry into eternal life mode, which makes its straight-to-home-video debut next Tuesday. If this film breaks no genuine "new ground," at least it rings a few changes on stuff we've seen plenty of already.

Novice writer/director (he was also one of the executive-producers on the film) Buz Alexander -- shown, left, and photographed within a closed coffin. Try as we might, we could not find a photo of this guy -- has cobbled together in pretty professional fashion many of the standard tropes of the genre, then given them a tidy and interesting plot on which to hang. The result is a movie that holds your interest, provides some excitement (if not a lot of suspense) and offers enough gore and special effects to induce a few scares.

We're in New Orleans (though the film was actually shot in Baton Rouge and St. Francisville), in a broken-down shack on what looks like a bayou. The tenant hears a noise, the source of which then terrorizes and hypnotizes him into a suicide of sorts (above) -- all because of a missing young girl (below).

We soon learn that New Orleans has quite a number of vampires, all living (whoops: that's not quite the right word) under the nose and even the protection of the local police -- especially the higher-ups, who turn a blind eye to the blood-letting.

There is also on display a mix of really-bad vampires and not-so-bad vampires. The former drink the blood of innocent children, while the latter only drain murderers, child molesters and other of society's dregs. Oh, yes -- and they all use guard dogs (above) as protectors,

Into this mix arrives a new young cop (played with a rather charming sense of incredulity by Danny Agha) , untutored in the ways of the not-quite-dead, who is taken under the wing of an older cop (Mike Doyle, above), who himself lost a wife to the bloodsuckers some time back. Ex-pretty-boy Johnathon Schaech (below) plays the lead vampire. The film's best scene takes place in a hospital, and might just recall some of the glories -- the shock and violence -- found in one of, if not the best of the vampire movies, Near Dark.

The movie's reinvention of certain cliches includes using the usual Christian cross (here seen as a tattoo!) as a way to resist a vampire's hypnotic powers, and "voice recognition" as a new skill among the undead. This is the plus side. On the negative are some very poorly-staged action sequences, and the complete omission of any closure regarding our two heroes' "quest" -- to locate the place where those really-bad vampires sleep by day. This seems to have fallen off the filmmaker's agenda.  Or maybe he's saving it for the sequel. (That's Estella Warren, below, as the "romance connection" among the good vampire group.)

Overall, Nocturna is at least good enough to sate the appetite of those who must have a vampire movie in their diet every now and again. It's reasonably entertaining, lasts only 95 minutes, and offers a surprise or two up its well-worn sleeve.

From Alchemy, the distributor that seems to be releasing every second movie these days, Nocturna hits the street this coming Tuesday, October 6, on Blu-ray, DVD, VOD and EEST (that's Early Electronic Sell-Through, for those of you -- like me -- untutored in the new technology). If you want to learn just about everything regarding EEST, click here to read an eye-opening article from Variety. 

Back to the old haunted house: Ted Geoghegan's pretty nifty genre debut, WE ARE STILL HERE

Moviemakers never seem to tire of taking us for another visit to that haunted house -- these days most often with elements not just of the expected ghost story but of related genres like horror and slasher, too. The latest foray into this combina-tion comes from a fellow named Ted Geoghegan, whom many of us critics have worked with in his capacity as a movie PR person. It always good to discover someone you know so adeptly changing hats (it happened just last month, too, with John Stuart Wildman and his genre piece, The Ladies of the House), and now here we have Mr. Geoghegan's oddball, enticing, very well-cast and -acted, tart n' tasty horror, WE ARE STILL HERE.

The filmmaker, shown at right, does some unusual things within this fairly typical genre, most surprisingly leaving much of his exposition to be finally shared with his audience during the end credits! He also plays fast and loose with any ground rules concerning his "monsters," who appear to inhabit only the house -- in the cellar, of course, and Geoghegan, along with his production design (Marcella Brennan) and art director (Sean Hughes) have created quite a creepy version of same -- but then suddenly seem to be able roam a bit farther and wider.

The "we" of the title -- those monsters, 'natch -- are done quite effectively, too, for the low-budget efficiencies they are (one of which is shown above). They'll bring new meaning to that old wartime saw, "Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes."

The filmmaker, who both wrote and directed this little foray into fright, doesn't explain much of anything upfront, as his heroic couple, played by the lovely Barbara Crampton (fans will immediately recall Stuart Gordon's Re-Animator and From Beyond) and Andrew Sensenig (above, left and right, respectively). Why they have arrived at this, of all houses, is a big question. Just fate, I guess.

Once the movie gets started and the newcomers are paid a visit by their "neighbors," including a smart, nasty little performance from Monte Markham, above, you'll probably feel that glue binding your tush to the chair. This "house" evidently needs a crew of victims every so often, and these newcomers certainly seem to fill the bill.

They are soon joined by their good friends (and sometimes spiritualists) Jacob and May (Larry Fessenden, above left, and Lisa Marie, above right, both doing a bang-up job: He all loosy-goosy funny, she quite caring and serious). Soon after, that other couple's son and his girlfriend arrive. Naughtiness (accompanied by blood and guts) ensues. The "seance" Geoghegan has concocted is one of the better ones seen on film in awhile, in which Mr. Fessenden truly excels.

Geoghegan knows how to create both suspense and a smart sudden shock, and he gives these to us with enough frequency to make the movie worthwhile for genre fans. He also draws fine performances from his cast, with Fessenden and Ms Marie delivering surprisingly rich additions, while Ms Crampton, above, is even better here than she was in the better movie You're Next (a survival-thriller classic, by the way, which you must see if you somehow missed it). Her warmth and concern help hold the movie together and keep us rooting for her against what look like heavy odds.

The filmmaker also understands how to swivel on a dime, and so his movie often keeps us nicely off-balance as its twists and turns are spinning. He makes particularly good use of his "townspeople," above, who do not, shall we say, offer these newcomers much of a warm welcome. And his cinematography (by the fine Karim Hussain) knows its way around lighting, mood, and atmosphere.

As to "just desserts," it's difficult to say; we don't know enough, finally, to understand the "why" of much that has gone on. Overall, though, Geoghegan does an adequate job of piecing his story together without too heavy an explication, while doing a bang-up job of scaring our pants off.

We Are Still Here (indeed!) -- from Dark Sky Films and running just 84 minutes -- opens this Friday, June 5, here in New York at the Cinema Village and in L. A. at the Laemmle Music Hall 3. Simultaneously, it can be viewed via VOD.