Saturday, April 27, 2019

Idiocy writ large: Greg Bergman and A.D. Freese's I-need-a-larger-penis documentary, BIG LIKE ME

Never thought I'd be saying this, but the new documentary BIG LIKE ME makes the earlier doc about one man's search for a possible bigger penis -- Unhung Hero -- seem like a paragon of intelligence and subtlety. For the DVD release of the "extended director's cut," this new doc seems to have now been retitled, Bigger Like Me. Yes, that's the level we -- and the proud owner of the enlarged dick, Greg Bergman -- have here attained. What is particularly odd and unnerving about Mr Bergman's search is that -- unlike Patrick Moote, the star of Unhung Hero whose dick we never see but are told is very, very small -- Bergman himself (shown below and further below) has a perfectly normal-sized member.

In fact, this guy's dick is actually a little thicker than most. And though it takes a full two-thirds of the movie before we actually see Bergman's cock, once on view, it seems like our hero-as-zero can't show it to us -- and everyone else possible, from the ladies he hopes to impress, on line and quite literally on the street, to the audience at his stand-up comedy act (below) -- often enough. Talk about tiring. And embarrassing.

But then the entire movie has grown increasingly embarrassing from its outset, as we learn of Bergman's obsession with his size (to which no one, from his wife to his physical trainer to his therapist, can in any way take his feeble little mind off ), to his month-long use of various pills and pumps for enlargement purposes (yes: nothing works) followed by his visit to a clinic in Tijuana where the doctors promise enlargement of (not length but) girth, to his time in New York City walking the streets and flashing various dildos while asking passers by to choose their favorite, to a visit to Pennsylvania Amish country where he asks an elderly Amish man to make the same choice. Jesus: Has this guy lost all shame and intelligence?

While in NYC, he arranges to meet a man, Jonah Falcon, said to have one of the world's largest pensies (I've seen bigger, even in my limited experience), and he watches as Falcon shakes his dong around for our and his delectation (the homoerotic content of this film is staggering, all the more so because Mr Bergman seems utterly unaware of this). Toward the end of this sad piece of nonsense, a voice -- I assume belonging to the co-director of the doc, A.D. Freese, who is filming Mr. Bergman -- asks his subject if he thinks he has become the big success he wanted to be. "Not yet," is Bergman's response. Oh, honey: Not ever.

TrustMovies won't give sway any spoilers but will only say that the outcome is creepy, sad and even more embarrassing than all that has gone before. But for those who want to see a whole lot of shots of Greg Bergman's reproductive equipment, this is definitely the movie for you. From Breaking Glass Pictures and running a way-too-long 100 minutes, the doc arrived on DVD earlier this month -- for purchase and maybe rental.

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